My most persistent friend

My most persistent friend. Anxiety  

My breathing is hard to keep slow.  I cannot stop the short fast breaths. 

My heart is beating as if I have been doing some exercise.

I cannot stop tapping my feet and hands. 

My attention span has gone from very little to nonexistent.  I cannot even read a news story or information on my current research project.

My body is in a cold sweat, and I feel that creepy things crawling all over my body. 

I hate anxiety.  I feel like I am going to blow up or at least self destruct.  I want to walk, I want to leave, I want to do anything….

I have taken medication, to much in fact.  I hate this part of my existence in life.  I envy those that can sit down and relax at night.  I envy those that can sleep.  I want to peace in my own mind, and I do not believe I will ever find it.  

A proud father

I am kind of slow at writing this, and for that I have regrets.  At first I thought that maybe my slow response would be seen as not caring, but that is not the case.  In fact, I have been so slow at writing this because there are so many thoughts in my head, and my thoughts that they wouldn’t sound good.  In the end, I left most of what I wrote out.  But I did start it on the day of the event… Sorry Cody.

Today I went with Cody to a state wide competition for computer game design.  The competition was called OGPC 2.0.  Or, Oregon Game Project Challenge.  And, cutting to the end, he took championship.  Or, in other words, his team won first place. 

I will back up a week, and mention that Cody asked if I wanted to take him.  Well, I actually cannot remember how I got volunteered into taking him.  I remember thinking that it was a seminar, and that I didn’t really want to go.  So, I went with my fool proof method of getting out of it.  How would a loving father get out of getting up at 5:00 in the morning and driving several hours to sit all day at a high school seminar and make it seem like he was still a loving father… Well, Cody likes his mom a whole lot more than me, so I asked him in front of his mom, “Cody, who would you rather take you, me or your mom”.  Well, I was completely surprised when he said me.  Like I said, it was a fool proof plan, and it failed.

Well, I sat in on a presentation of Cody’s team and there game to the judges of the competition.  His team mates all told the judges that Cody did way more work on the project then any of them.  In my opinion, that makes Cody the winner.  I am a proud father. 

My kids are smart, and Cody proved it. 

Congrats my boy, I am very proud of you.