I have often found it necessary in my mind to set benchmarks, for a lack of a better word. I have the need, and I know it is my OCD that does it, by I need to measure and categorize nearly everything. I have been accused of over analyzing. I tend to read way too much into what someone says or does. It has never in my whole life been a true benefit, and nothing but an annoyance. But, sometimes I stumble into a pattern of thought that is rather comical and every once in a while I come up with something funny, and even possibly useful.
I have been obsessing on the need to find a way to measure the quality of life. It may have started because I want to determine if my life is getting better or worse, another thing I have the need to measure, especially having periodic severe episodes of blinding depression.
Economists tend to leave this one alone, as there are too many variables to actually measure and track quality of life. But alas, I cannot seem to drop it. But I am not trying to come up with a way that everyone can use, just really something to occupy those long and lonely nights I have sense I chased off my friends and family.
And now, I think I have come up with one. How you may ask am I trying to measure the quality of one’s life? It’s really simple. Toilet paper.
It is quite simple, and after you read my argument I am sure you will agree.
When we are born, life is simple and good. We get feed, burped, and changed whenever we need. That is if life is good to us from the start. If mom loves us, she uses good quality wipes. If not, she ignores us and lets us go all day in a cheap diaper. So, life is good, you get huggies. Not so good, the loin cloth.
Now as we get older, diet plays into our need for toilet paper. If we are healthy, and have a good diet, then we have regular and healthy bowel movements. I have found over the years that a healthy life style is not the cheapest. If you have food allergies like gluten, soy, or milk, then you can agree that eating the way your body needs is difficult. This can lead to a constipated, or louse situations. Too much of something, and your plugged up. Or, the alternative once again.
So, let’s say hypothetically you love spicy food, but it is not good for your body. So, if you eat some hot food, you get painful and explosive loose stool. This leads to an excessive use of toilet paper. Or, you love red meat, and it plugs you up. This leads to a low consumption of toilet paper.
The thing is, your love of bad food makes you irregular, so you are not right upstairs, so your quality of life has suffered. The same can be said if you cannot afford to eat things that do not make you sick. If you have to eat a lot of something cheap, then your life is suffering. I have always thought hamburger is cheap, and it makes me very sick.
So, if your mental health is not so good, you can do it to yourself, or if your budget isn’t so good then you may suffer. I also think that life style plays into it. If you are a sit at home and get fat eating potato chips, then you may not be regular. Again, quality of life is making you eat un healthy food. And, if you like that food and you do it on purpose, well…. I think the elevator may not be going all the way up. Thus meaning quality of life is suffering.
Now, what about the type of paper you buy. I am sure there is someone that likes to use that cheap nearly sandpaper but still somewhat absorbent tissue to clean up the shoot. For example the stuff that is typically in a public gas station restroom. Again, elevator out of service. But really, I think if people had ultimate choice they would pick quality, soft and strong. Maybe lint free. Heck, how many people would prefer to have a good cleaning with a huggie diaper wipe after there daily 30 minutes of reading. Oh, and I think 30 minutes is a lower quality of life. Same as 6 or so five minuet trips a day.
So, in the end, I have decided that the quality and quantity of toilet paper can be charted on a per person level to come up with a reasonably accurate measure on the quality of one’s life. If I was to come up with a scouring method for brands and usage measures, I am sure I could start to categorize people in this way. There could be other things, like the number of times in a year that you need to use a plunger.
But, in the end. How many people could I get to start tracking there toilet paper use and purchasing habits. And, really. How many people do I actually want to know this info for?
So, why have I been thinking about this almost none stop for 2 weeks. Well, I have had my kids for two weeks. I have lived in my home for one month, and purchased toilet paper one time. In the two weeks I had without kids, I used 20% of the total paper used when I had the kids. Also, they have plugged up the toilet 2 times, forcing me to get a plunger. Something I never need, and will never use without them.
So, my OCD took over and now I am looking at toilet paper everywhere I go, and starting to put it on my chart. Public bathrooms, peoples apartments, hotels, everything.
Oh, and now that I am writing this in my hotel room. I think those hotel review sites should rank them on the type of toilet paper that they stock. I am at a nice hotel, with cheap and useless toilet paper. IT has a 4.5 star rating, and should be dropped just on that alone. I haven’t had to utilize this service, but I did check sense I seem to be obsessed with the concept.
Yea, I need professional help. I think my elevator is going up and down and not letting anyone on or off… Que sara sara…
