I have been watching the snow accumulates the last couple hours out my front window. There are many times I have woken to snow being on the ground. It is interesting to me that when you wake up in the morning and first thing you see is the snow on the ground, and it seems so pretty.
A fresh blanket of snow makes everything look so clean and so pure. But it is always a matter of perspective, at least to me. The sun is brighter, the moon is brighter. At even the streetlight are brighter. All prospective, not like they're actually brighter. When I wake up and see it, it makes me think everything is warm and cozy. For some reason I always think that animals are bedded down and staying warm. Standing next to the heater or fireplace always seems to be warmer than if it wasn’t snowing outside.
I suppose that is why a white Christmas is so desirable. It just seems to make everything more so; more happy, more clean, and more peaceful. But like I said, it is all a matter of perspective. That all changes we have to go out into it to get to work or something. How many people like the white Christmas when they're worried about the family driving home in the snow over a mountain pass? It quickly loses its appeal.
When you're looking at the snowfall everything seems to be chaotic. If you try to drive in it is dangerous. You try and walk in it that you can slip and hurt yourself. Every drop of the snow, or snowflake I guess, seems to fall in on chaotic pattern trying to find it's place in the painting that they are creating. The painting that in the end is so beautiful.
My neighbor John has been trying to kill the raccoons in the neighborhood. He seems to go out of his way to kill God’s creations. First time I met him he was busy shooting the neighbor’s dog because it killed a couple of his chickens. Moved out of the country, got himself some pigs and goats and chickens. You know good old-fashioned country boy. But he thought the dog was a coyote, and you know it isn't like the coyote was here first. Anyhow…..
I have always fed the raccoons that live in my neighborhood, for all the neighborhoods I have lived for that matter. I know most people consider them pests, but I've always found them pretty. One of my favorite wild animals I suppose. I have fed them, pet them, and even evicted them from their homes at a time or two. But I have never considered killing them. I understand the need to kill rats and mice. They get into people's houses and pass along diseases, it's a sanitation issue. But raccoons are not a problem as long as you don't leave the garbage out and keep your crawlspace blocked off. They go somewhere else.
Anyhow I was writing this because my motion sensing light came on the back my house, so I decided to see what was. Apparently the raccoons are living under my neighbor's shed. Actually I think it's a pump house for his well water. Anyhow, he has been trying to kill the raccoons because they're getting into his pet food, and bothering his chickens. Wonder what he would think if I told him that they are living in his pump house.
All this commotion with the raccoons dragging pet food from one location to the other just reminds me that the snow isn't peace and quiet. It’s not a blanket of serenity. Life continues even in the snow, often with more of the struggle.
A few years ago when Stephanie and I were first separated, I was on a road trip Mount Baker. As I was driving home from this beautiful trip, I caught the sight of a tree in a field. The field is completely snowed in and the tree is covered in snow and the background is a forest of pine trees. I park my car and walked back to get a picture of this tree. A single tree sitting in a field of snow with nothing around it. It struck me with this sensation of loneliness and isolation. Not just an ongoing fight for survival that the tree was winning against all apparent odds, but doing so alone.
The singular tree, flower, or bush has always been something I like to photograph. It reminds me of a story I once heard, which is the reason I'm writing this rambling of this blog. The thoughts that ran through my head as I watched a raccoon walk across a field covered in snow.
I believe all life, regardless of intelligence or not, will fight for its own survival. The visual comes to my mind of a dandelion growing in the cracked concrete. The tree that is struggling to grow on the edge of a cliff. The patch of grass in the desert. When God created life he instilled in it an instinct to survive.
In a more depressing view, I often have wished that something would happen. Something horrible that would take my life away from. Be careful what you wish for I guess, because sometimes you'll get it.
A few years ago I was hit by motorhome on I5 while riding my motorcycle. No more than 24 hours prior to it Stephanie told me I had a death wish. Not saying she wasn't correct, but I know now from experience that that death wish was only on the surface. As I was thrown for my motorcycle I did everything I could to survive that accident, all of which is another story. The thing is I could've let the accident take me; nobody would take that as a suicide… Well, I suppose the people that actually know me would wonder if I intentionally had gotten in the way of the motorhome or not. Reputation and all, you know.
I learned something very important about myself that day; I learned that I don't want to die. After all if I did I would've.
The thing is, as I am staring out into this blanket of snow and watching the raccoon, I find myself sympathizing with the raccoon. fighting to survive, quite possibly fighting against yourself. After all in the morning if John sees the tracks, no more raccoon. Who am I fighting with?
The perspective is, that the blanket of snow is peace and comfort. Maybe metaphorically that quilt that you pull up over you in your bed. But if you peel back that warm and comfortable blanket, what are you going to see underneath. When I wake up and see the snow I see it as a blanket of peace. When I'm watching the snow fall and accumulate, I tend to see it as a threat to life.
I suppose snow falling makes me feel exposed and threatened. But in the morning when you put on your boots and your coat (not that I would put my coat on) it seems comfortable and comforting, not life threatening. I think I like the view of snow when I wake up in the morning better. Same snow, same field, just different.
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