I remember sleeping. I remember laying down and closing my eyes and falling asleep. I just hate that I so often cannot remember how to do it.

It is one of the most frustrating things to watch seemingly everyone I know fall asleep at night. My wife, my friends, and even the darn dog. I lay there for sometime hours just waiting. Sleep doctor says, “oh it must be the sleep apnea, so were this annoying mask and you will be able to fall asleep faster”. Well, I gave up on that. It doesn’t help me close the eyes and fall asleep.

Ambian, lunista, and countless other drugs. They work some times. But they only seam to work for a limited amount of time, and then they stop working. So, here I am. My eyes hurt, so I cannot just watch TV, because the lights need to be on to help the eyes not hurt. Then I never fall asleep watching TV.

Xbox, same thing.

At the very least, this is very depressing all on it’s own. I suffer from depression, and this just always makes it worst. Last week I slept very good for three days. I even wanted to go to sleep. Now, that is gone again…

Last night, or technically this morning, I dreamt that I had to go and help a friend in need. I ended up killing 30 or so people to do it. The last person I killed, I shot in the face with a .45. That was a dream, and last night. But I can clearly see the face of the person head, point blank, blowing up. The back of the head blew out the back of his head, and sprayed the side of the tree they were standing next to. They then fell over, and onto their back. I walked up to him, and looked down at his face. The bullet had entered just below the nose, and took off the bottom of the Jaw. He was “the” enemy and the reason I was fighting. In the end, I felt it was a waste of time. The person I was helping didn’t want my help in the end.

Before that, I had a dream that I was a research person looking into a crashed spaceship in Canada. I found the ship, and was exploring it when I learned that it was a US government ship, and top secret. The government then sent in a group of people to recover the ship, and destroy any evidence of the crash. My wife left me saying she didn’t want to case anymore trouble for the kids. In the end, The US nuked Van BC. They played it like a terrorist attack, and killed a bunch of people during the Olympics.

In my dreams I can, and often do, Lucid dream. In this dream I went semi lucid when the government was attaching. I survived the nuclear attack, but simply by making myself immune to the attack. It is not a pleasant dream when everything around you is catching on fire and exploding. The members of my team are melting, and screaming as the blast comes. This is a Simi common experience in my dreams, so it didn’t surprise me much. In the end, I gave up. The US went to war with Iran, and Saudi Arabia.

The dream before, or maybe in the middle of those two, was of the flu. I dreamt that I was surviving a major flu epidemic, and that millions worldwide were dying. 60% of the world population died in the first 2 months. Oddly, my family seemed to have survived. The dream was mainly about the after effect. No food, no water, no gas, no electricity, no Internet… I think the Internet was the worst part.
We survived, and started to build back our communities. The sad thing was, the civil unrest did more damage then the flu. Seattle only experience about 30% death, but the city fell apart. Killing in the street, rape, steeling, looting. It was a struggle to survive something that should not have brought society to its knees. And the people with the guns survived. I had an arsenal, something I do not actually have. I was forced to kill two of the neighbors. Getting food was hard, and one of the neighbors was shot trying to raid my vegetable garden. I ate his cat, but not our dog. And at one point I shot a dear. No cannibalism in this dream…

Anyhow, I am just writing to do something. Probably should delete this. People here about my dreams, and next thing I know they will think I am weird…